
Cloning
Myself for the Holidays
December
8, 2003
by columnist Lynn Nichols
Does
it seem to you that just as soon as you settle down on the
couch after a heaping plate of turkey (or Tofurkey) on
Thanksgiving Day, all of a sudden it's – poof! –
December. And you know what that means. It's colder, the
snow is falling (like the plastic flakes on a movie set as
I write this) and the stores are playing incessant holiday
tunes (oh no, not "Up on the Rooftop" again!).
But that's not why I find the holidays stressful. For me,
my December challenge comes down to one word –
OVERCOMMITMENT.
You
see, even though it's one of those months with thirty-one
days, there just aren't enough of those suckers (or enough
hours in them) to take part in all of the concerts, carol
sings. Messiah sing-alongs, church gatherings, festive
holiday parties, annual meeting pot lucks, end of season
sports award dinners, craft fairs, holiday bazaars and,
well . . . I could go on and on.
So
this year, I've decided to do something about it. I'm
going to get myself cloned. That way I can attend more
than three things in a single day, I won't be half as
exhausted and I won't have to take so many showers and do
my hair and makeup so much. One of my clones can relax
around the house while the other is dashing from shop to
shop, trying to remember where I last saw that particular
sweater or cute hat. The home clone will sip hot chocolate
(or Fair Trade coffee) and lazily gaze out the window,
just like on the Hallmark commercials. The shopping clone
can get all of my holiday errands done, while the
outdoorsy clone can go ice skating, snowshoeing and
cross-country skiing. Meanwhile, the artistic clone can go
to the opera and symphony and the civic-minded clone can
go to holiday tree lighting ceremonies and community carol
sings.
There,
that's settled. It's a plan. And, after all, cloning
worked for Dolly the sheep, and she doesn't look much
worse for the wear and tear. Now all I have to find is a
team of scientists and a health plan willing to cover the
procedure! But while I'm searching (which may take
awhile), happy holidays to all!
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