With all its commercialization, Christmas can sometimes seem more like "Crassmess." So how do you take the focus off material things and encourage your family to live simply during the holidays? In this excerpted article from the Winter 2002 issue of Enough!, The Center for the New American Dream's quarterly newsletter, Marie Sherlock offers the following suggestions:

1 . Search Your Soul
The big fear for parents is that downscaling will somehow cause their kids to suffer, feel deprived, or even unloved. Experts stress that that’s not the case. In Unplug the Christmas Machine, authors Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli point to four things that children really want during the holidays: a relaxed and loving time with the family, realistic expectations about gifts, an evenly paced holiday season, and reliable family traditions. In other words, kids really want a simplified celebration, too. Focusing on the "warm, fuzzy" elements of the holidays — family get-togethers and treasured rituals — will ensure that you and your kids have lifelong, cherished holiday memories. Robinson and Staeheli ask participants at their workshops to fantasize about their "perfect holiday." Give yourself a few moments to do this too. Close your eyes and visualize your dream holiday. Think of what you’re doing, with whom and where, and of the sights, smells, tastes and feelings. Have your kids visualize their "perfect holiday," too. They will undoubtedly mention gifts! Ask them what their perfect celebration might involve beyond presents. The responses that Robinson and Staeheli receive have similar (simple!) themes. The core of most families’ holiday fantasies include "simple gifts, natural decorations, a fire, traditional food, leisurely schedules, music, time spent out of doors, an emphasis on family activities." For most families, the journey from fantasy to fulfillment will involve concentrating on meaningful rituals and de-emphasizing the gift-giving tradition.

2 . Focus on Meaningful Traditions
Make a list of all of your seasonal activities and obligations, even if you don’t consider them to be "traditions." Which events and activities are meaningful and which aren’t? Which ones reflect your values? Could your list use some tweaking, or maybe deletions and additions? The key to de-emphasizing the season’s materialism is to make your other holiday rituals interesting, fulfilling and fun. The most treasured holiday rituals — those mentioned in people’s "holiday fantasies" — typically involve family and friends, faith, nature, charity, music and the arts, or some combination of these. Here’s a look at some new and old favorites:

• Family/friends Activities involving family and friends are perhaps the most important ones of the holidays; they can also, however, be the most tension-filled. If elaborate dinners and parties are stressful for you, consider moving toward the twin goals of "potluck" and "casual." Instead of racing to multiple family get-togethers, spread the gatherings out and give yourself free time between obligations.

• Faith There are many faith-based rituals to draw upon.

• Nature Many families observe the winter solstice on December 21st, with a simple candlelighting ceremony. Others decorate an outdoor tree with edible "ornaments," like cranberries and popcorn, for their bird friends. Nature walks and sledding are also great ways to include the outdoors in your holiday plans.

• Charity Charitable rituals are particularly important for many simple living families. For example, the Hanukah tradition of charity, Tsedaka, inspires many Jewish families to make volunteering and charitable donations a part of their holiday. Simple living parents note that traditions like Tsedaka mesh perfectly with the values they hope to instill in their children year-round. Rhonda Ramos, for example, says that "we want our children to know that happiness comes from a feeling of peace inside, regardless of how much stuff we have in our homes. They need to see the bigger picture of the world and know how many people still need to have their basic needs met." Rhonda and her two children participate in an "angel buying" program at a local bookstore, purchasing a gift for a child that might not otherwise receive one.

• Music/The Arts How many people still go caroling during the holidays, or simply sing around the piano? Unfortunately, crooning cherished holiday tunes is something we now leave to the "professionals" on our CD players. Many churches offer caroling as part of their December repertoire. You can often join with a neighborhood church even if you aren’t a member. Making homemade gifts allows us to tap into our creative sides — all of us have them! — to produce low-cost, meaningful gifts. Visit the Center’s holiday site, www.simplifytheholidays.org, for more information.

• Fun Remember that treasured traditions don’t need to be complicated, or even particularly profound. Sometimes they’re just fun! Driving around looking at Christmas lights with a thermos of hot chocolate is a simple, enjoy able holiday routine. Eating cookies and singing carols on the way to picking out the tree is another. If possible, parents should try to schedule additional time off during December, to take part in some of these rituals and just to "hang out" with the family.

3. Downscale Gift Giving
What children "need" most for the holidays are realistic expectations about what they’ll be receiving. To aid the transition to a simpler holiday, tell them ahead of time about your downshifting efforts. If your children are very young, you can probably wean them without their knowledge. For older kids, try a combination of focusing on fun, meaningful rituals along with some advance warning about your downscaling. Limiting television viewing during the months of November and December has also been shown to cure the "gimmes" during the holidays and year-round. One way to de-emphasize gift giving while keeping it fun is to have a "white elephant" gift exchange with the whole family. While exact rules for this tradition vary, many families follow this approach: Everyone brings a wrapped gift to the gathering. Typically the gifts must be secondhand or garage sale items; the idea is to recycle items, not use more resources. Numbers are drawn, and the first person opens a gift. The second person can either open another gift, or take the first person’s gift (in which case the first person unwraps a second gift). The third person can either open a gift or take one from the gifts already opened. Everyone continues opening and "stealing" until all the gifts are unwrapped. Gifts can only be "stolen" twice; the third owner keeps the gift. Creativity and humor are hallmarks of white elephant exchanges. Many families have gifts that resurface year after year — treasures like singing fish plaques and hideous hats. For the "real" gifts that you exchange, make them meaningful. Choose durable games instead of fad toys, buy from local artisans and independent stores, and look for organizations that donate proceeds to charities.

4. Start Planning for Next Year's Holidays
It may be too late this year to do much about your extended family’s consumer-extravaganza. But December is the perfect time to start downshifting discussions with your kids. "When you’re in the midst of it," reasons Linda McDonough, "is the best time to talk about it." Linda points out that her extended family took a decade to progress from everyone buying everyone expensive gifts to their current practice of each family member drawing only one name. Despite the time and effort, she emphasizes, "it’s worth it." Your ultimate reward will be the fun you have with your kids, at the holidays and all year round.

For more information, visit the following sites:

The Center for a New American Dream www.newdream.org
Phone: 877.68.DREAM

The Center for a New American Dream's Simplify the Holidays website www.simplifytheholidays.org

Alternatives for Simple Living www.simpleliving.net

Marie Sherlock is the author of Living Simply with Children: A Voluntary Simplicity Guide for Moms, Dads and Kids Who Want to Reclaim the Bliss of Childhood and the Joy of Parenting (Three RiversPress) available in bookstores this January.

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