Once upon a time, in a country far, far away people cared about things other than anthrax, terrorism and Osama bin Laden. I don't mean to ruin the "all-anthrax-all-the-time" fun. But there's something I've just got to ask: Where have all the issues gone?

I mean, does anyone remember clean elections? I don't know ... something about getting big money out of elections and giving the government back to the people. Seventy-five percent of us used to think it was important. Now no one even wants to talk about it.

And remember the environment? Remember when you actually cared whether or not there was arsenic in your drinking water? Hell, now when I get that little pop-up e-petition, I think, "I ain't afraid of no arsenic!"

Remember when it seemed important that we not let George and Dick steal Alaska and give it to their oil industry buddies? And speaking of stealing, remember George Dubya? Now it's President Bush this and Mr. President that. Even I find myself hoping that he doesn't trip over his words when he speaks! Now where's the fun in that?

The government keeps telling us to get back to normal (this while they're hiding the Vice-President and evacuating every building with a mail room). "Go shopping," they tell us. "Get on an airplane." Well, normal for me would be slapping a "Hail to the thief" bumper sticker on my ass and mooning the White House. And I'm guessing that would be frowned upon now. And normal for me would be making the observation that the worst thing to happen to America may just turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to George W. Bush's presidency. Normal for me would be to question the wisdom of our continued bombing campaign against Afghanistan when half of the terrorists are not even in Afghanistan. But seeing as how it's not "politically correct" to say those kinds of things right now, I guess I can't get back to normal just yet.

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