My
Not So Secret Admirer
May 8, 2003
Oooh,
this is exciting! Seems
I have a not-so-secret admirer - in the United States
government of all places! Yes, someone at the Department
of Justice just can’t get enough of me! He or she has listened to my radio commentaries and
then poked through the Eve Droppings Archive - lingering
just a bit on all the political ones. (Hey, it’s not
only the government that has figured out how to internet
snoop!)
But
I’m sure many of you know how difficult internet romance
can be. It
can be hard to get a true picture of the object of one’s
virtual affections. So let me not be coy. I’m five foot nothing and weigh
- well, let’s just say I’m two babies over my wedding
day weight of 111
lbs. But I have been told that I’m still a “babe”
and that lesbians do hoot at me, albeit quietly.
But
of course, my new admirer may not be interested in the
merely superficial facts about me. No, my fan probably
wants to know if I pose a security threat to the United
States. Because if he/she really wanted to know what I
looked like, s/he would have gone to our UU church’s web
site to see a picture of me - the Director of Religious
Education - kissing a
pig. The children at church once
dared me to kiss a farm animal in exchange for raising
money for the Heifer
Project. Oh yes - I am that
kind of gal.
And
the UU church and the Heifer Project are not the only ties
I have to questionable organizations. Oh no! Before
that, I had some shady dealings with the Peace
Corps, a
group sponsored by the same regime that holds the world
largest arsenal of weapons of mass destruction.
Oh
and while I’m coming clean: I ought to confess to the fact that I was a Brownie Leader
for two years - passing on my threatening ways to
America’s impressionable young. From me, the women of tomorrow learned such radical
things as how to play “Chinese” jump rope, why it’s
important to recycle and the words and tune to Finlandia
(a prayer for world peace that - in this age of rabid
patriotism – could be considered downright un-American).
But
with my new friend at the DOJ learning so much about me, I
was feeling at a bit of a loss because I knew so little
about him or her. So I visited the DOJ web site, where I
learned that under Attorney General John Ashcroft – who
himself has a long and admirable history of respecting
people’s civil rights – it is their mandate to root
out terrorism and keep America’s homeland safe. So I guess now that Iraq has fallen, people all
over the world adore us, we have unearthed Iraq’s huge
stockpile of hidden weapons of mass destruction and just
generally restored world peace, the folks at the DOJ can
relax in the knowledge that America is once again safe
from harm. And
now, they apparently have plenty of free times on their
hands to investigate really dangerous people – like me!
Here
is a listing of articles observed by the DOJ on
April 11, 2003
The Westover Air Force Base Civil Disobedience Massacree
Code Off-White
My
Daily Haul of E-Junk
Why I Love Living in the Valley
A Card for
Every Occasion
Making
Your Voice Heard
Making
a Difference
Links
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