Is
It Illegal to Sleep in the Morning?
March 28, 2002
What???
Is it illegal to sleep past 7 in the morning around here?
The phone rang at 7:17 this morning — and not for the
first time, mind you. I picked my head off of the pillow,
looked around and said "Well, the house doesn't seem
to be on fire. So why the *#@! is someone calling me
now?" I didn't bother to drag myself out of bed to
actually answer the phone. The poor sap on the other end
would not have wanted to talk to me just then anyway. Nice
words don't roll off my tongue until 9.
As
far as I'm concerned, there are only three acceptable
reasons to call my house before 9 a.m. If your hair is on
fire and I am the only person who can piss on your head to
put it out — call me. If an immediate family member has
died and they won't still be dead in an hour or two —
call me. If the world is coming to an end and the last
spaceship out is leaving in ten minutes — call me. But
if it's leaving in fifteen minutes, let me sleep a little
longer.
I
am not a morning person. There,
I said it. My husband — who loves and fears me —
understands this and tries very hard not to arouse my
wrath much before 8 o'clock. But much to my dismay not all
of the good folks in the Pioneer Valley are as accepting
of those of us with alternative internal clocks. Well,
we're here. We sleep late. Get used to it! There's no
reason to panic, though. We lead perfectly normal lives in
every way — except, of course, that we'd rather have
pins in our eyes than have to get out of bed before 8 a.m.
I
can no longer live a lie. I
will no longer keep my slothful habits in the closet. I'm
out and I'm proud. Let the entire rest of the Valley get
up all chipper at the crack of dawn. Let them feed their
kids a full breakfast and get them to school on time,
fully dressed, wearing both shoes and socks that match.
From what I remember about school, they teach all the
important stuff after lunch and who really looks at your
socks anyway. As for me and mine — we'll sleep in and
scarf down a handful of cold cereal as we chase down the
school bus in our bare feet.
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to Eve Droppings)
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